But I do think all of us owe the people an explanation when we walk away.
I’m always curious because I’d like to know what it is they find off-putting. And even more disturbing thing I’ve seen is men dating hoping that the new woman will replace the former girlfriend who their heart still lines for. Twice I’ve been told goodbye by men who ran back to the previous girlfriend. I’ve had some laughs and gone to some fabulous places and had amazing experiences. And despite everything I am not ready to throw in the towel and call it quits.
But now when you ask about where he’s been, they’re at a loss for words. It’s a weird position to be in, but if this is happening to you, then cut your losses. Don’t waste your time trying to get him to open up.
When you do speak, he keeps the conversation oddly short. He no longer shows up to places where you used to see him.
"My friend, you just got "ghosted.""Ghosting" or "slow fading" (by my own definition, so don't get this tattooed or anything) describes the ending of a relationship by one party who gradually removes him or herself from the other person's life—via canceled plans and decreased communication—until eventually, all communication ceases. As someone who's been on the unfortunate end of the relationship slow fade, or "ghosting," more times than I can even count, I've become hardened to the notion that, for lots of guys in their twenties and thirties, falling off the face of the earth after wooing a lady for a month or two is pretty much par for the really shitty course.
The relationship ends, though there's most often no formal explanation from the "ghoster." It's a relationship exit strategy that mirrors the rise of commitment-free modes of communication such as texting, email, Facebook, and even apps like Snap Chat. Related: To name a few: There was the law student who "needed time to study" and then, post-graduation, still couldn't find the time for me; the hotshot architect who mysteriously stopped existing on weekends; the hardcore band-frontman-turned-high school principal who went on a business trip to Mexico and, for all I know, just never came back; the jazz-educated med school student who was "just really bad at texting—my friends all bug me about it;" and the young English bartender who canceled our plans for a harbor cruise the morning of (I'd bought the tickets, BTW). S.: You all suck.)Somehow, though, it had never occurred to me that women could be the ghosters.
It’s not kind to string people along after you’ve made up your mind, and it’s rude to ditch on concrete plans. (It’s worth noting that the quick dissolve is not simply a convenience of the digital age—it also works at parties.) For all the ambiguity attributed to the fade/dissolve, no digitally literate dater is legitimately confused by an unanswered text. That’s why, she says, the fade is “also known as: ‘Bitch get a clue, it’s not happening.’ ” The idea that a direct message is necessary to cement a relationship’s end is yet another obfuscation.
Before you all hung out together, they may have even pushed you two to hook up!Everything was going great: There were several nights out with sleepovers involved, a meet-the-friends-type barbecue, a day-long outing involving rented bicycles, and regular flirty texting—all of which signified to him that things were on the fast track to 'relationship' territory.Then seemingly out of nowhere, things got weird: Dates were postponed indefinitely, texts went unanswered, and eventually, my confused friend waved his white flag."I'm not heartbroken about it or anything," he said. She seemed like a normal girl who was into me..then she disappeared? One day you’re happy and talking to a guy, and the next you can’t get him to be in the same room with you.Ghosting is a serious epidemic in the dating world these days, but it’s hard to really know what’s going on while it’s happening.Then, your romantic prospect’s chat bubble suddenly stops popping up on your phone. The fade, Carter says, is a source of soul-sucking frustration for the modern dater.