Sarcastic dating quotes

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We're ten hours from the f--kin' fun park and you wanna bail out. To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! " - "Apes don't read philosophy." - "Yes they do, Otto. It’s these harrowing situations that wake you out of a sound sleep suddenly fresh with dozens of snappy one-liners you wish you would have said. It’s called balance.” #3 “Face your problems, don’t Facebook them.” #4 “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams #5 “You can’t make somebody love you. Advice smartass quotes Sometimes life leads you astray with no one to turn to. If you’re looking for a sassier way to go through life, these smartass quotes with advice are sure to help.

You can only stalk them and hope for the best.” [Read: 55 funny quotes about love and all its complications] #6 “Women are like i Phones.

" - "I'm doing a sociological study on perversion - up to advanced child molesting." - "Taggart." - "Yes, sir." - "I've decided to launch an attack that will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes." - "What do you want me to do, sir?

Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow when the time is right, I'm gonna ask you to marry me. You've made me very happy."- "Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain, Captain Oveur." - "Gentlemen, welcome aboard." - "Captain, your navigator, Mr. Dunn was over Unger and I was over Dunn." - "So, you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn." - "Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn." Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)"I think you're all f--ked in the head.

It might be a cliche and a little bit cringe, but for many of us navigating our way through the dating jungle, the way to our hearts - or at least our beds - is through our funny bone.

With many claims that laughter can improve your relationship and even your health, it’s no wonder that Tinder users are opting for witty bios to tempt potential love interests to swipe right.

But the fifth day, you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, but then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. I have it written down, but I-I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Gentlemen, let's get to work." - "Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force? Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn." - "Yep." - "So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger." - "Yep." - "That's right.

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