A friend recently asked me to check out his online dating profile.
He’d been on the site for months, but so far wasn’t having much luck and hoped I could help pinpoint why. For someone who knows him as the witty, wry man he is, his profile reads hilarious.
So when they send you a text, you reply almost immediately.
(We all know how attached we are to our smartphones, so it’s silly to pretend you didn’t see their message.) Plus, we’re all big boys and girls here: No need for those petty, childish games where you wait 10 minutes or maybe an hour to text them back, right?
It doesn’t matter how witty your OKCupid repartee skills are; when you finally meet in person and your chemistry is flat, you can’t help but feel like you’ve wasted the past two weeks of internet flirting.
Finding success with online dating often takes a delicate combination of digital and real-life charm.
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It may be a guy that you’ve been flirting with back and forth, who will disappear for weeks, and then send an ambiguous “Hey, how’s it going? Or, it may be someone you went on a few dates with, who isn’t asking you out again, but will occasionally like one of your photos on Facebook or Instagram, or send you a message that has no significance, other than to pop back into your mind. Or, the guy may just want to keep all of his options open, Gandhi added. These traits can be telltale signs However, dating coach Evan Marc Katz, author of "Why He Disappeared," also challenged daters to put themselves in the other person’s shoes — it’s likely, he told TODAY, that daters have themselves unintentionally led someone on in a similar manner. The man could be talking to multiple women, or secretly in love with an ex, or had a hard week at work.
The man’s actions, he said, are more selfish than calculating — he’s not considering the consequences of his confusing actions, just as women might not consider the consequences of reaching out to catch up with an ex.
But that doesn’t mean that you need to play along with these sorts of digital games. He may, for instance, leave out letters or avoid writing out complete words — "How r u," for instance. “It just shows a lack of effort.” The same goes for a guy who only likes your posts on social media, or only sends the occasional “Hey.” Someone that really likes you, Gandhi said, is going to make an effort to see and spend time with you — not just text you every now and then.
In recent years behavioral scientists have shed some light on why waiting techniques can be powerful.
Let’s first look at the notion that texting back right away makes you less appealing.
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